Compromising self esteem

There are those who are always ready to insult others if given a chance and those who even after getting a rightful chance to settle scores, show compassion just to earn love and respect. But this latter set of fools, ultimately subject themselves to insult and treachery.
I am the one who has never earned accolades for good deeds but yes, i have always earned insult and embarrassment for every supposedly wrong thing that i have done and that to at the hands of my own people.I am surrounded by people who have established relations just for NAMESAKE.Those are not friends who always ask for explanations.Those are enemies in guise of friends who instead of filling in for friends' infirmities exploit it.
All this is because now a days friendship is only for convenience.People now have several set of friends and for each set we have different face.
One set-with whom we study.
another-with whom we play.
another-with whom we like to spend time because they are our source of enjoyment.
I am the one who is only for satisfying others thirst for mirth.For everything else there is "Master Card".My humorous nature has always been my enemy.I am never taken seriously by others.Whole day i fool around -joking- making others laugh.I know i am not doing any social service but still i do it because i like it, when everyone feels happy in my company.But this jokey personality of mine has never earned me friends but fun seekers ,who in pursuit of happiness join me in good times, but never turn up in times of need, though many a times they offer two or three consoling words .I never show my disapproval to my friends but they always do.I love to make my friends happy by offering them chocolates.Whenever someone comes to my place i give them full attention .If they want i make them rest on my bed while i sit on chair.To see them off i always accompany them to their bikes.But all these actions of mine have brought me no respect.

Why is it that ,friends do not understand what the other person wants.If one is not in mood for "time pass" ,why is he always forced to do that.Why is it like -friends enforcing their will on others.
Sun does not rise at same time at every place similarly everyone is different and one person's wish may not necessarily be in conjugation with others.Why is it that we do not respect others decision.If one cannot understand someone even after spending a lot of time with him/her ,then there is no point continuing with that relationship.Never go to a place where you are not respected.Never meet the one who does not care for your self-esteem.
Its true-jhukti hai duniya jhukane wala chahiye and i have numerous of these jhukane wale.
Whenevr there is a need for a joker i am called but on rest all occasions i am never remembered.
One who is selfish triumphs in today's world so from now on i will work only to meet my selfish ends .To hell with the rest.

Here i remember one line that one of my friends told me-"Life is like a football match and you are a goalkeeper .No matter how many goals you save ... you will be remembered for the one you did not."

Now what i am going to write is not a part of the original post.I know i have been too harsh with my words.But this is just because i was very emotional ,offended and humiliated by something.May be my friends would not agree with some of the things i have written, but please bear with this.I definitely think , what i wrote is true.I have never been able to put forth my grievances to whom i should have but through this i want others to tell me why do they do this to me.. i wrote this because my expectations were a bit higher from them.I want them to think with cool mind whether they were correct or not.If they were wrong anywhere then please just accept it because "you cannot improve if cannot accept your fault" but if they still think that i am being wrong here then please do give feedback (positive).This should be taken as a platform to clear all suspicions and misconceptions rather than as another reason to fight.

overstating joys and understating sorrows

There are two kinds of people-One category is of those who boast a lot -that they are happy with what is going on .Second category comprises of those who always weigh their happiness and achievements to be lesser than that of others.

Talking about the first category first.

People of first category actually fake their happiness just to keep themselves a notch ahead of others.They just ignore their faults in front of others so as not to get embarrassed .Their behavior is just a pretense that everything is fine and they have too many alternatives available for the failure ,they just encountered .
When they say that they have better options in hand ,actually ,in a way they are right .Right because they are so much in love with procrastination that they just put the burden of present on the opportunities of the future.
Eg. If they fail in CAT -they have IIFT to improve-if they fail in IIFT-they have IRMA to improve-if they fail in IRMA-they have SNAP to improve-if they fail in SNAP-they have NMAT,XAT,FMS and MCA entrance examinations to show their caliber.Actually this series has infinite elements.
One more reason that they flaunt their happiness is that joy is what is very rarely available to them so they do not want to let go even a fraction of a second, to enjoy the moment of happiness which generally comes to them after a long lull.
But there is one thing for which i love this class of people and that one thing is that when these people sport such a high magnitude joy then those who are jealous of them give some very unique reaction.
I swear to God -its very satisfying when you see their idiosyncrasies bring out some very different colors of their nature.

Whatever it is -to be a part of this class is a harmful thing in the long run.

Now something about second category.

These people are generally calculative in their behavior.They are sensible,clever and very focused about what to do next.For them everything is like-"now or never".This theory is what drives them to go for the kill in the first attempt itself.There is no word like 'complacency' in their dictionary.They will hit the jackpot in first chance itself but will show as if they did not do anything....its just luck.
I think they are justified in their behavior .When you will not acknowledge your efforts then you will try harder to achieve something much more substantial ...bas ...yahi pe lag gaya jackpot.

Actually i belong to the first category but today i will take a resolution (i was waiting for some new year resolution) that from now on i will be consistent in my performance and will never give myself to self satisfaction.
I have heard that when you want something from heart then whole world conspires to unify you with it.
Personally i do not like to be a victim of any conspiracy but this time i want to be preyed upon.

Friendship cannot be forced

Others give us an inch and we take a mile.
We are so hungry for love and affection, that we never realize- we are trespassing into the "irritation zone" and after we have broken into our friend's comfort zone ,the friendship or acquaintanceship ceases to be so and it becomes liability ,thereon.Thus the treatment we receive always has an element of ignominy in it .What we receive from there onwards is not response but reaction.

I thought i was lucky to find a friend was so hard to say Goodbye but i never realized that what i consider to be "good luck" is actually 'bad luck " for ...

But we are so obsessed with... that we do not understand this sign language and take these erratic and undesirable gestures of our (i don know what to call them but for the time being lets call them...)friends as the result of some shortcomings that must have been there in our behavior and so we try harder to win their hearts and this is where we lose the plot.

Whose fault is it?Ours or theirs ,is very difficult to determine.But what can be deduced from this is that we should always be restrained while expressing our feelings and emotions.Now a days thread of friendship is not so strong that it can bear everything ,from jokes to jibes.So treading cautiously on this line of fire is the ultimate remedy (from becoming unwanted).
As it is, now a days time is a scarce commodity and we try to make it more less available by imposing ourselves on them, eating into their reading time,study time,gossip time ,music time...
When we develop feelings for others what we do is to keep them engaged in our talks even though we are blathering.What is to be learnt here is that ..to grow any relationship we need quality talk not quantity talk.Thus ,try be stoic in your approach.(at least from now on i will try for that)

In my view completely neglecting the person who always had good intentions for you in not a right thing to do(even though his excessive talks irritates you).Instead of insulting others what can be done is ....i dont know what...but i know this much that there must be some way out.

There is one line which ,the person closest to me once said-"If i get to know that i have 24 hours before i die then i will spend rest 24 hours to find a person who will take care of you just as i do".
One who said this line is now very far,as good as dead,(...sorry for using the 'd' word but i did not want to use any euphemistic term here) but before leaving me, that person never found anybody for me, who could have taken that place which is still lying vacant...