Back To Square One

Events in my life have always kept me on toes.When happiness comes my way...i start believing in God but when it is gone ,it takes away my faith in Him.I have been trying very hard to change my Orkut "religion" field but every time i am close to do that , i see happiness going away from me.Why good things always come in small quantities.Why is there logic behind everything.Why cant logic stay away from love.

When i was close to achieve one of the goals that i have set for me ,i was shown the door.When i was enjoying the madness of love ,i was forced to understand the importance of good sense.

The duration of my recent happiness was just 2 days.The (supposedly)good qualities that i posses have done me more harm than good.The quality(in me) which i thought was getting me closer to my ultimate aim was actually taking me away from it.

Now that "she" has gone ,i have become too free.Earlier i was not getting time to focus on anything but now i am busy with nothing.Earlier i was telling everyone the reason for my sudden happiness(even though they were not interested in that) ,but now that two days of happiness have passed, i am in no mood to tell them the reason for my sadness.These two days have taught me lessons that i do not wish to learn.

I have been overwhelmed by emotions.I cry while talking.Now smile transforms into tears in no time.Peacefulness that i experienced during those "two days" has transfigured into dullness .The messages that were the source of my happiness have now become reason for my gloominess.Mobile credit has now become debt.Earlier i never used to keep my mobile on silent but now silence is al i need from my mobile.Earlier i always wanted to talk and never wanted to sleep but now sleep is the only thing i need.

Life can go on for some but not me.When i loved to stay alone,i got friends and now when i have become dependent on them ,everyone has left.

I think the hidden reason which has brought me back to square one is-Education.It has ruined my life.It has become the only parameter which can judge any human being's worth and in proving our worthiness we are ignoring other important facets of our life.

To prevent myself from disturbing others i have deleted the mobile number from my cell but i do not know how to remove it from my brain.Now the condition is such that after every hour i check number of friends in my friendlist(ORKUT,FACEBOOK).I check my mailbox every hour expecting a "hate mail".

I do not know what should i do with the gifts i brought for her.Should i eat all the chocolates myself or should i wait.Should i keep the sneakers i got for her or should i give them away.

Questions are too many but no answers.